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Personal Testimony of Bro.Hennie            03/12/2008

Since I was a little boy I always had a need in me to be appreciated, and I tried to do special things for my parents only for the joyful reward  off getting a hug or a smile with a thank you my child. As a child this gave me reason for existence, but not much later in my life I lost my parents. Although I had not met Jesus, they taught me about the Lord Jesus and His love and kindness and that He gave His life for me so that I could be free from sin and guilt.  This redirected my need off being appreciated, to show  appreciation to God for His Love and kindness to me who earned nothing. I never realized what tremendous impact this simple teaching from my parents would have on my later life. 

Coming from the back ground  of knowing it, but not really understanding that the Lord wanted to live in me and that my body was His temple, His possession as it was, I found myself later in life addicted to alcohol. This was a condition nobody knew about, well, at least I thought so, as I was not prepared to acknowledge it to myself. I believed that I was still in control of my life. I worked away from home as a contractor and many a night I sat eating in the bars and heard how people made dirty jokes, used bad language and used the name off the Lord in vane. I always experienced this as a stab in my heart and it made me feel so unfulfilled, and very unhappy, so much so that I became a miserable lonesome human being, even being with my family. I worked very hard as to try and “make up”  

Nothing was done neat or good enough and everybody else did nothing right, I criticized and spoke to them in hard ways as to try to relieve my own feelings off failure,  not financially, God always provided for us by His unmerited grace through all the times, but spiritually. I did not realize that my priorities was so wrong, trying the utmost in my own strength to achieve all the things I longed for in my life! 

This drove my wife and children away from me . I could never understand why they said that they were afraid of me as I loved them very dearly and never harmed them but the hard words of discipline and criticism made them to withdraw from me and I became even more lonesome. I did not understand this and did not realize I was wrong as I was the head off the house and were suppose to lead them. Needless to say, it didn’t work at all.  

I felt terrible rejection and after socializing and drinking the guilt and shame was smothered for a while, until tomorrow. I quit going to church, as I was not prepared to pretend being something I was not. It got so bad that after years of praying for deliverance, and being away from home I went on my knees night after night half drunk and asked God to help me to live a decent clean life for Him. There was something inside me I could and cannot explain that hungered for God to become really real in my life and not someone I just heard off. Although I had experienced His blessings in various special ways in my life, these blessings did not change the Life in me, although they will always be very special and dear to me, and this inspired me even more to get in the will of God as I knew he was real and was alive.   

It became more and more evident to me that the Lord Jesus more than earned the acknowledgement and appreciation that I needed so much as a child and even as an adult because out of love He  gave His life for me at Calvary. In all sincerity I felt that I failed continuously to give this appreciation back to Him as I was bound like a fly in a spider web, the more I tried and struggled the deeper the guilt and feelings of rejection even by God then started to haunt me day and night.  

I believe God made this conviction to be so strong in me that it became unbearable, to such an extend that I stopped going to public places and started drinking on my own. Satan had full freedom now and He was slowly strangling me to spiritual death and financial disaster as I had no contracts and did not know which way to turn. The devil preached to me that its not so bad now because I am not associating with bad company, not sharing in their dirty and idle talk and are doing no harm to anyone. Be home early and be friendly and nice to everyone, and all is well. So he deceived and isolated me again under false pretenses and kept me from believing because believe comes only by the hearing of the word of God and off course I could not face or mix with Gods children. 

One afternoon on the farm I bought my usual quota beer for the evening and drove to a hay land on the farm to have a few drinks quickly before I went home for supper. A lot off things went through my mind as I sat there, I wanted to be a real loving Christian Daddy and Husband, and longed to live a life that would be pleasing to God. I so much wanted to please the Lord Jesus for what He has done for me but somehow just couldn’t do it  This may sound strange to others, but everything is known to Him and the following is also, as it is the truth.  

God was so gracious to me, there came a conviction and a desperate urge  as I had never experienced before over me. I got out off the bakkie, still holding the quart of beer in my hand and started praying and calling out aloud as hard as I could for Gods help. I got so desperate and determined that I threw the bottle and the others out the vehicle and fell with my face to  the ground crying out for deliverance. From my innermost being I begged God to deliver me or alternatively let me die right there as I was determined not to carry on living without Him controlling my life to live for Him. Then something which is very hard to describe happened. I was aware of something very strange happening to me, every fibre in my body started vibrating, my senses were totally taken over by His awesome presence.  I had no control of what was happening to me and it is totally unexplainable. I laid there worshipping Him, crying in appreciation because there was a solid realization that He has answered my longings and my prayers after all the years. I knew that I had struck a home run for the first time in my life. I was a professing Christian and loved the Lord all my life, but after more than fifty years, I knew that I knew that everything would now be different.  It was dark when I got up and there was a peace and tremendous joy in my soul for what had happened. The realization of the deliverance I experienced was just so wonderful that  words cannot give justice to it! 

I enthusiastically rushed off to share this wonderful experience with my wife and children, and others, testified that God delivered me, but it never seemed that the full implication of this event in my life could be appreciated or understood by other people. In fact I still think nobody believed me. I started going to church alone as  my family would not join me as before. There was no influence, example or love deposited to draw them with. Never the less, although so unworthy, God instantly totally delivered me and cut me free from alcoholism as I never again ever had any longing, need or craving for it at all and never again touched it. 

All the praise and glory is His, He took the spiritual shame away and broke Satans hold on my life to prevent me from serving Him with all my heart. He led me to a small section of His body where I felt that the same One that I met in the hay land was welcome and free to save, heal, bless and teach His children in simplicity. and has been growing steadily in His grace. He gave me a new family, He gave me my youngest daughter and the elder one for the past two years. He gave me a house and work where I for the first time in my life could work from my home everyday continually without having to sleep out, and He gave me many tests and trials. 

Friends, we pay for what we do when not in Christ, the longer we postpone  and put Him aside  the bigger the damage we do and the more the hurt becomes that follows our lives. If  people could only learn from the mistakes others make, it could save them so much pain.

My life did not all of a sudden turn into a bed of roses, but praise God He brought and still are bringing me through all the valleys after that.

He has never failed me and I appreciate Him so much for being busy building His character in me. 

I now, years later only understand that to be the head of your family means to lead with love and not to rule with authority. This can only be achieved by Gods grace, setting an example,  living a dedicated life, dying daily, given over to the Lord. Not by power or by might, but by my spirit Saith the Lord. 

It is totally impossible to share something with others that you do not posses yourselve.

God did something so special for me. that I now can be controlled by His love, and I can never thank Him enough for being so mercyfull  to me to forgive me of all the times I have wronged Him, and to help me and guide me and protect me from going to hell which is what I deserved if it was not for His love to me, so unmerited. Although I still make many mistakes, He daily carries me and makes it possible for me to serve Him as He sought me and brought me in from unbeliever and despair. 

I pray that this simple testimony may stir your heart to serve God as from now with everything that is in you and to take note off the Devils cunningness to lead Gods children astray as he did to me. It cost me dearly, if only I knew then what I know now I would not have waited so long to give everything over to Jesus and burn the bridges behind me to show God that I really believe all His promises. It is more than worth it all, I would not change what I have now for all the riches in the world !  

Thank you Lord Jesus, thank you so much Lord, I love you so much the more, for You are worthy of all our praises, now and forever more.

Your brother in Christ.

Br. Hennie.